[janet gunter]

A while ago, I “quit” international development. I never considered myself an “aid worker”, but I’d spent 5 years in total working internationally in the sector.

Mostly at “headquarters” but partly “in the field”. I’d grown tired.

At the time I wrote an unsigned “Dear John” letter to development which stated “no amount of earnest critique, satire, or wounded camaraderie” could help me stay on.

People ask me how I did it. I am always surprised when people approach me for this kind of coaching. While I am happier and more stable than I can remember in my adult life, I remind people I am by no means materially better off.

So. This will not help you decide how to make money or choose a new career. If you are looking for advice about how to feel ok again, and (re)construct meaning in your life after working in international development here are some tips.

Save cash.

Figure out how much you need based on your own risk-threshold and your commitments. I saved about a year’s salary before I was ready to go, and I hadn’t reached 35. (Perhaps this is more if you are later in life.) And if you are in a stable relationship and have a partner who can support you, this may not be such a consideration. Then, if you have dependents this may be the hardest part

Focus on building a “hive”.

Do this before you leave. This is NOT “networking” or joining LinkedIn. This is spending time with people you like who do different things and approach problems from different angles. Rekindle contacts with people you’d lost touch with or go to Meetups. Take time with this. Tell them that you are making a change. Start to do favours for each other. Dream up small projects together, or go to events together. A healthy “hive” is diverse with people from all professional backgrounds, which inspires you to experiment and helps you express your own unique skillset.

Go gradually.

Probably quite obvious, but you’ll probably have to do a couple of longer contracts or some short stints once you’ve ditched Stable Job. (Unless of course you have another profession up your sleeve.) Don’t beat yourself up about this. In fact, you might see this as a way of testing who from international development might actually be constructive and life-affirming members of your hive going forward. If you have trouble leaving the “international” aspect, work with a project in a “developing” context that is entirely locally owned. Spend time in solidarity with a project that you love that is very driven and owned locally. Let them tell you what they need. Simply hang out as long as is mutually beneficial and do not think about money. Then realize you don’t actually want to be there forever… And that they don’t want you there forever! And if relevant, think of ways to support this project or this kind of project from afar.

Figure out how and where you want to live.

Why is this so far down the list? Because it might actually take time. Your friends may be spread out across the world. You may want a place that is raucous and informal, or you may want to soak up amenities you haven’t had for years even if it will cost you loads. You may actually want to “go home” if that still exists for you. Give yourself time to figure this out. Even if this is a simple decision, the how part is important too. Do you want to walk or cycle to work? How many people do you want to work with? Let these things shape your new professional life. You have an opportunity to rethink how you work and live. Cultivate routines – especially those not afforded to you while working in international development.

Learn things or refresh skills you put on hold while jetting around or being an “expat”.

Before you threw your lot in with “development”, there were probably things you loved that you simply could not keep up. Whether it be some rare martial art, micro brewing, or analog photography, it is worth intentionally looking for learning opportunities in the place you have chosen to live. (Include in this learning about yourself through psychotherapy or by investing in a relationship.)

Invest in your own back garden.

Get involved – on a regular basis – in some activity in your chosen home community. You’ll start to feel connection and commitment in a new way. You may also find that your experience in international development is actually relevant and useful. You may meet other people who have had made other big life transitions, not necessarily from international development, who you can really relate to. Or you may simply reap the benefits of knowing your neighbours, sharing and creating around you. Do not fear investing in a home.

Be compassionate with yourself.

BY FAR the hardest part. Chances are, one motivation for entering international development was to create meaning for yourself. The feeling of abandoning that particular form of striving for meaning is a major blow to your sense of self, no matter how grounded you are. Opting to change your life to feel better in your own skin is about being compassionate with yourself. I remember reading a picaresque novel before I quit and admiring the compassion the author had for his characters, who, in their seriousness, were absurd and human. This had a profound impact on me. What if our lives are both very serious and very absurd? What if life is not a sequence of milestones, but a meandering flow, moving fast at times but often slowly? If so, we should not only practice patient compassion not only with others, but with ourselves.

Post first published on Alessandra Pigni's blog. She is sorely missed.